Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
