I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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