I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
