He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
