I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
