I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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