he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
