omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
