The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
