when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
