you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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