And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
