At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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