just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
