who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
