tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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