That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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