I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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