I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
