one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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