Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
