I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
