Will you blow on my dice?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
