why didn't you poke me back
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
