Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
