No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
