Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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