So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
