what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
