So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
