I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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