I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
