Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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