Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
