I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
