I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
