3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
