Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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