I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
