i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Couch. On fire.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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