you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
