I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
