The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
