Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
