the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
