Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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