he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
