i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
