At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
