I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
