When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
