I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
