He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
