from now on my penis is your penis
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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